Hey, babes!
Turning 32 today! In the interest of keeping things simple, last week I promised you all a sneak peek at Unlucky, the flash fiction I wrote in March 2021 that has inspired the serial for my paid subscribers which will begin publishing weekly by the end of April.
Today I’m hiking Mount Storm King on the Olympic Peninsula (a goal of mine since this time last year). By the time this reaches you, I’ll (hopefully) be summiting and fending off overly friendly birds while I take in the view.
Hope you have the best day, and as always, thanks for coming on this ride.
“You can be lucky in love, or you can be lucky in life, but not both.”
My gramma told me that. I’m not sure how old I was. I am sure that she was 100% correct, though. Was it a curse? Was I just one of those folks that had a limited supply of luck, like skill points I could only add to one category at a time? No one had been able to explain it to me.
I knew that Gramma’s words were true because, over the course of my life, I could see the pattern.
Single? Recently broken up, or happily mingling? Suddenly I’d be hit with a windfall of good fortune. Promotion at work. Unexpected influx of cash. Winning the lottery, or a fantastic vacation. My good luck would even infect those around me with unexpected joy.
Wildly in love and sickeningly happy with a great guy? Struck by disaster after disaster. Usually, the disasters would ruin my relationship, too. Then the cycle would repeat itself.
By now, at nearly 36, I’d given up on the relationship thing. It wasn’t worth it.
I had my dream job, my parents were in good health, my dog and pet boa constrictor were thriving, and I was enjoying my freedom. I had two best friends who were kickass, loyal, and 100% down to indulge my need for adventure and spontaneity. I also wasn’t doing so bad in the bedroom department, really. I just wasn’t keeping any of them around for long. That was the key. I couldn’t let them matter to me.
Diana and Deacon, the dynamic brother and sister bestie duo, were all I needed. Diana was my girl power forever sidekick, fierce and loyal and a little scary. Deacon was forever troublemaking, hilarious, and unexpectedly wise. I couldn’t remember a time they hadn’t been there for me.
And I definitely needed them because this next breakup was fixing to be a doozy.
“Look, I’m sorry. We just want different things. You’re looking for family—marriage, kids, all that. I’ve told you from the start that’s just not what I’m after. It doesn’t work for me. I really like you, but I’m not going to lead you on.”
It took me no time at all to craft that message, because I’d sent a half dozen others just like it over the past year or two.
Like I said, I couldn’t let myself care too much. Or something bad would happen, to them or to me. It was better to cut it off as firmly but kindly as possible before it got that far. They weren’t bad guys. They didn’t deserve what would inevitably befall them if I let them get too close.
If I let myself fall in love.
I answered his call on the second ring when his name flashed across my screen, sliding out of my car and walking up the drive as he began speaking. While he talked, I let myself into the house.
“Can we just talk this out like adults? I feel like we have—”
“No, we can’t. I’m sorry, but my answer isn’t going to change. I just don’t have those kinds of feelings for you. I’m not trying to be cruel—you’re wonderful. You are. You deserve someone who will be able to love you the way you love them. Wholeheartedly. Holding nothing back. I can’t do that.” I sighed as I stepped out of my work shoes and hung up my jacket, pressing the phone to my ear with my shoulder. “Listen, I gotta go. I really am sorry.”
I hung up before he could say another word. And then I turned off my phone.
It was better this way.
“Deacon! I need a drink!”
He stepped out of the kitchen, already grimacing at me with a glass in his hand. I didn’t even ask what it was before I downed it.
“Man.” He examined my face critically. “That didn’t sound good.”
“It wasn’t good.” The burn down my throat from the whiskey made me cough, but I handed back the glass to demand another.
“I thought you liked him.”
“I don’t get to like him. Not the way he wants. You know that.”
I followed Deacon into his kitchen and seated myself at the island. I eyed him appreciatively as he turned around, pouring me another drink without judgment, and then quickly averted my gaze. Wouldn’t do to let bestie know I was checking him out.
“You got another tattoo,” I said.
“Nice.”
“Nice what?” I frowned at him as I sipped my second drink, intending to actually enjoy it this time.
“Attempt to derail the conversation. What’s that called?”
“What called?”
“A… fuck. I can’t think of the word. Sidestep? Avoiding the subject? Stalling? Being a little bitch?”
I snorted and shoved him. “So tell me about the tattoo.”
“It’s called a caduceus.”
“Another Mercury reference?” I poked at him.
Deacon’s first name was Mercury, like the messenger god. Deacon was his middle name, and he used it to “fit in better,” although I’d never met another dude named Deacon. If you were going to stand out because of an unusual name, in my opinion, you ought to choose the cooler of your names to go by.
“Yes. And now that we’re done sidestepping the real topic at hand, are you okay?”
I sighed. “Yes, Mercury. I’m okay. I’ve done this a few times.”
His eyes narrowed on me, and then surprisingly, he didn’t immediately pursue a response. He sipped his drink instead, seeming to sink into his thoughts. We sat in companionable silence for a time, and I let myself be soothed by it. I would always have this. No one would take this away.
“You know, probably you’re being turned away from all these guys because something bigger and better is waiting for you. You’re meant for something… more.”
I pressed my lips together in a frown and said nothing. There was nothing wrong with the men I’d loved before. Some of them had been great.
“And when he comes around I’ll avoid him, too.”
“You won’t be able to. He’ll be on you like a barnacle.”
I snorted. “The only barnacle I’ll accept on my ass is you or Diana. Speaking of which, where is she?”
“She’ll be in soon.”
He didn’t seem happy. Tomorrow was my birthday. He wasn’t allowed to sulk this close to my birthday.
“What’s with you?” I laid my hand on his arm, and he covered my hand with his.
“Nothin’, I’m just thinking.”
Diana chose that moment to stride through the door, and Deacon’s entire demeanor changed to one of relief.
“Hey girl! So have I got some news for you!” Diana was beaming at me, all force and thunder and almost overwhelming sunshine.
“She had another breakup today, Diana.”
Diana froze mid-step and then recovered. “She has those all the time. I mean, that sucks, but—”
“We need to tell her.”
Diana and Deacon stared each other down. She approached slowly, setting the bags in her hand on the counter, and the intensity of the atmosphere in the room became a nearly unbearable pressure that had my body breaking out in a sweat. It often got like this when they disagreed. It was downright terrifying when they argued. I didn’t usually stick around for that, even after two decades of friendship.
“I don’t think that needs to happen today.”
“I think it does.”
Diana glared at him.
“I think it needs to happen today, before tomorrow.”
“I mean, things that happen today tend to happen before tomorrow,” I said, inserting myself between them. “I’d sure like to know what we’re talking about here.”
They both slowly turned to look at me, and after a beat, Diana sighed. Seating herself beside me, she stole her brother’s drink, and waved a hand imperiously.
“Fine. But don’t say I didn’t tell you this was a bad idea.”
Deacon cleared his throat, and barely met my eyes.
“So, there’s this—no. You know how—”
“Oh fucksake, just say it, Mercury.” Diana was not known for her patience. Not with her brother, anyway. With me she had only a little bit more.
“Your breakups are our fault.” I stared at him, uncomprehending, and he continued, “Your string of bad luck every time you fall in love? Our fault. Specifically, my fault.”
“I’m… not… understanding.” That was an understatement, but I didn’t know what else to say.
“I’m—okay, fuck it.”
I cringed at the “fuck it.” When Deacon said “fuck it,” crazy things started to happen. Now was no different. Before my eyes, the familiar visage of my best friend almost seemed to melt. The soft matte of his skin was obscured by a mellow golden glow that oozed from his pores. Brown eyes that had been so familiar to me were suddenly luminous and shimmering with a similar light and looked utterly inhuman. His brown hair, typically cut close to his scalp, grew as I watched into soft curls that tickled his forehead. With a frustrated exhale, he made a futile attempt to swipe them from his eyes. The lines of his face marking the many years of laughter between us were erased, giving him an unnatural youthfulness that made me uneasy.
Standing in front of me was a man who looked only just barely like the man I’d known all my life. Really, in all the ways that mattered, he looked nothing like him.
“Your bad luck is my fault because I’m causing it. Every time.”
My jaw hung open listlessly, and Diana reached over and pressed it shut with a finger under my chin. She retained exactly the same appearance as she always had, but I suddenly knew that she could change herself too, just like Deacon had, if she wanted.
“I won’t change,” she said. “I don’t feel the need to scare you any more than you are.”
She’d answered my unspoken thought.
“Of course I did.”
I flinched away from her, and she frowned. Deacon looked sad. She looked frustrated and annoyed—at Deacon.
“Who in the fuck are you?”
Deacon’s lopsided smile did not touch his eyes. “Can you guess? I’d think it’d be obvious.”
No.
“Yes.” He tugged at his sleeve. “Look, Becca, I didn’t want to tell you like this. It started out as—well. Jealousy. Obviously. You were meant to be mine. I didn’t like that you were falling in love with someone else, so I—”
“You ruined my life.”
He cringed. “I did.”
“Over and over again.” The reality of what he was saying to me began to sink in like the chill of an ice bath. “Every time I tried to get close to someone. You made those awful things happen.”
He nodded, and Diana refused to look at me. And suddenly, I understood.
“And you were in on it,” I said, pointing at her.
She didn’t respond, but I knew.
I stood in a hurry, taken a bit off balance by the surge of emotions and maybe a little because of the alcohol. “Why?”
“Because I love you.” The words out of Deacon’s mouth were like a plea.
Those words made me cold. And then hot, burning, scorching anger bloomed like a wildfire in me.
“Are you fucking psycho? You hurt me because you love me? You drove away people I cared about! You hurt people. To keep me dependent on you.”
He shook his head. “Not just because of that. Becca, your birthday—”
“Fuck my birthday! What the hell does that have to do with—”
“Because you’re a demigod coming into your powers, Becca, and tomorrow is your transition day.” Diana’s voice was sharp and flat.
Nothing like you’d imagine hearing your best friend sound when they’re confessing to destroying your life and dropping a bomb on everything you know. I dropped back into my seat.
“You were made to be mine, Becca, from the minute you came into existence. And I have loved you all along—all the years of your life, I’ve been waiting. I couldn’t make a move too early because it might have killed you. Or exposed you. Or worse. But I couldn’t stand to let you” –Deacon stumbled over the words in a rush– “be with someone else. I just couldn’t.”
Hate.
I hated him.
I was disgusted.
I was afraid.
I pointed a finger at him.
“Fuck you.” I turned and jabbed at Diana next. “And fuck you too.”
She shrugged, and that indifference cut me in a way that I couldn’t quite describe even if I tried. She’d been my best friend my whole life. And I was losing her. And I didn’t know why, or how, it had all happened.
“Look,” she said, “You don’t get to get away from us whatever you think. We have to look out for you. You’re stuck with us. Deal with it. It’ll be easier if you just get over yourself and let us help you.”
Anger clawed at my throat again and spit acid with my mouth. “Fuck you.”
I stood up again.
My whole life I’d thought I was unlucky. I had thought I was cursed. I had thought I was doomed to be alone forever.
It was a lie.
It was them.
They were the curse. My best friends.
Deacon—Mercury, I supposed, now. May as well call him by his real name—was looking at me longingly. There was regret in his eyes, and I didn’t care. I barely recognized that emotion on the face of this golden, shimmery-skinned stranger.
“Fuck. You.”
Those were the last words I said to them before I let the anger fortify me, turned, and stormed out of the house. But even as I slid into my car and began the drive across town to my place, I knew I wouldn’t get a long respite before they’d be invading my space again.
I wasn’t that fucking lucky.
Happy belated birthday! 🥳
Aarrgghhh seriously? How do I find the rest of the story? Plleeaasseeeeeee